if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
