lets start a swedish sibling band together
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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