just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
