he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
