Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
