Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
