she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
