you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
