I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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