theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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