Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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