I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
