it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
