Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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