Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
