dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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