i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i think i have herpe
just one?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
