What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I could make wine with my vomit
zippers are such a cool invention
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
