That's intense
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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