We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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