I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
