i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
