My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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