oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
