I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
