there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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