so explain again why im purple
no
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
