Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
