I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
