i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
