she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
