I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
