I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
