I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
