I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
