is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
