how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
