you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You were trust falling into bushes
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
