I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
