Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
