Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
