and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
