cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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