I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
