somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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