Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just pee around me
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
