I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
