I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
be right there i have to get my cape
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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