I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
