and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
