you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
