i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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