Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
