Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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