whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
