so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
